Dads

 

Recently two young men I know were both unexpectedly taken from this life.  Both had taken their roles as husbands and fathers seriously.  Both had young children still in primary school.  To say that their departures left a huge gap in their respective families would be a massive understatement.  It traumatised not only their immediate families.  Their wider families too were devastated by the loss of a brother, an uncle, a son.  So were the churches in which they had been seriously involved.

My heart goes out to their widows.  Being a single mum is not for the faint-hearted – as some of you well know from experience.  I sympathise too with these children who will grow up without a Dad at home.  In such situations it’s always a blessing when an uncle or Granddad or some other significant male steps into the breach.  Of course what helps too is that in both instances this happened in Christian families and Christian families have resources available to them that others lack – the greatest being that God calls himself the God of the fatherless and the widow.

Two things coincided with the second of these two deaths.  The first was that I just happened to be reviewing a Crossroads Bible lesson from a prisoner.  He took the opportunity to inform me that he had grown up in a home without a Dad.  That left me wondering so I did some research and discovered that 85 percent of youths in prison grew up in fatherless homes.  The Institute for Family Studies claim that young men who grew up without their father in the home were about twice as likely to have spent time in jail by around age 30.  Of course growing up with a Dad in the house is no guarantee that one will avoid prison.  Even having a Christian Dad is no guarantee of that.  But... it has to seriously reduce the chances of ending up being incarcerated.

That became obvious to me with a second thing that coincided with the second death.  I just happened to come across some notes I had jotted down many years ago when reading a book about ‘Larrikins’.  In the late 1800s and the early 1900s juvenile delinquents were often referred to as ‘larrikins’.  The author pointed out that it was a lack of male discipline in many families that led to youth crimes.  Dad was away at the diggings (the gold mines) or serving overseas (World War I) or looking for work (the Great Depression) so their sons would loiter in the streets or around the waterfront and get themselves into trouble.

Today we know the problem is even worse than that.  We live in a society where mental health problems are escalating at a phenomenal rate.  In fact our health system is struggling to cope with the proliferation of mental health issues.  But there is growing evidence of the emotional and psychological impact of growing up without a Dad.  Boys without fathers are likely to face higher rates of depression, anxiety, and behavioural problems.  And then we should add that an absent Dad often leads to attachment Issues in his children.  The lack of a father figure can lead to difficulties in forming secure and trusting relationships later in life, thus setting the scene for another round of separation and divorce in the next generation.

There is an interesting comment in the book of Genesis that the Lord makes regarding His choice of Abraham to be his covenant partner.  God says, “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.”  It is not accidental therefore that Paul in Ephesians specifically speaks to fathers when it comes to child rearing: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”  Of course that in no way absolves mothers from their partnership role in nurturing the children.  Yet it’s almost as if Paul seemed to think: Okay, the mothers can be counted on to do that... but the Dad’s will need a reminder.

Men, we need to remember that it really doesn’t matter all that much what we do well in life... if we fail at our job of being a good and godly husband and father.

John Westendorp
2MaxFM - 11/5/2025