Comfort

The word ‘comfort’ readily brings to mind some strong images from everyday life.  A toddler falls over in the park and bursts into tears.  The Mother comforts her child with a hug, a pat on the head and the words. “There, there don’t cry, you’ll be fine!”  Or the word ‘comfort’ may conjure up in your imagination more serious needs than some gravel rash from a fall in the park: the grieving friend who unexpectedly lost her partner to cardiac arrest.  To bring meaningful comfort in such a situation is quite a challenge.  Again a hug and some kind words are the very least we can do for the bereaved.

The challenge in such situations is knowing how to comfort.  Often our attempts to comfort seem terribly inadequate.  It’s one thing to pat a teary toddler on the head; it’s quite another thing to try and ease the grief of someone who just suffered bereavement.

There’s a further problem too in such situations: to what extend are we genuinely concerned to help our friend to navigate this traumatic episode and to what extent do we want the tears to stop simply because we find their grief distressing to us?  Please don’t dismiss too lightly this idea that we bring comfort to end the other person’s tears so that we ourselves will be more at ease.  I’ve often spoken to bereaved people who complain that some of their closest friends are avoiding them because they find it too difficult to handle another person’s grief.  One lady said to me, after her husband suddenly died, “Anyone would think I had leprosy, the way some people are avoiding me!”

Comfort is both a noun and a verb, it can be a word that names something but it can also be a ‘doing word’.  Comfort is a something that we try to pass on to others, to help them ease their pain or grief.  But comfort is also something we do.  I comfort my howling toddler or my bereaved relative.

It may help us give meaningful comfort if we understand that comfort is really much more than a pat on the head.  It’s much more than some soothing and sympathetic words spoken in the context of painful trauma.

The word comfort comes from the Latin word ‘fortis’ – a word that means ‘strong’.  We get our English word ‘fortitude’ from the same word.  So the idea of comfort has the idea of passing on strength to someone who is weak.  The idea is to make them stronger so that they’re able to cope.  The prefix ‘con’ (‘com’ in English) is added to the word ‘fortis’.  That prefix does two things.  First it tends to intensify the meaning of the word.  So with fortis we’re not just talking about ‘strength’ but ‘intense strength’.  Comfort is our efforts to make that other person really strong.  But that prefix ‘con’ is also a linking word.  It can mean ‘with’, so that comfort can literally mean ‘with strength’.  As a linking word it also introduces the idea of togetherness.  Comfort is not a solitary thing... it’s something we do in relationship.

Put all of this together and the idea of comfort is especially to be there for someone else so they can lean on you for needed strength.  That comes out even more clearly in the Greek New Testament’s word for comfort.  It’s the word ‘paraklesis’.  Paraklesis has the idea of someone being called to be alongside us so that we are no longer alone in our troubles.  That comes out beautifully in the book of Job.  When Job’s three friends hear all that’s happened to Job they come to comfort him.  But when they see him and the extent of his suffering all they can do is just sit with him the ground for seven days without saying a word.  That’s a powerful instance of just being there for someone – even when we can’t find the words to say.  When my first wife died one of the most encouraging comforts I was blessed to receive was from a young lady in our church who simply gave me a hug and said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say, but I’m sorry for your loss!”

It’s wonderful that in the Bible Jesus is a ‘paraklete’ – He is our Comforter and after He ascended He sent us that other ‘paraklete’ – the Holy Spirit.  No wonder that in the Bible God is called ‘the God of all comfort’.

John Westendorp
2MaxFM 27/7/25